2015 is almost here, everyone. After 12 months that have been widely hailed as garbage, the New Year cannot come soon enough. In 2014, we're (hopefully) leaving behind Roger Goodell's bumbling incompetence, the NCAA's stunning hypocrisy, FIFA's deep-seated corruption, and a whole lot of more. In their place, we're (hopefully) installing a better and brighter tomorrow. We're keeping our fingers crossed.
As we looked back on 2014, and looked forward to what 2015 might bring, we thought of some of sports' most inimitable figures from the past year and wondered what they might be up to on the birth of our latest Baby New Year. Some of these people are athletes who are known for their hard-partying or gregarious reputations; others are players with something to gain or to lose in 2015; some just fall somewhere in-between. Either way, wherever they are tonight, we want to be there. From Rory McIlroy to Floyd Mayweather Jr. to Rob Gronkowski, these are the 15 athletes we'd like to ring in 2015 with.
2015 is almost here, everyone. After 12 months that have been widely hailed as garbage, the New Year cannot come soon enough. In 2014, we're (hopefully) leaving behind Roger Goodell's bumbling incompetence, the NCAA's stunning hypocrisy, FIFA's deep-seated corruption, and a whole lot of more. In their place, we're (hopefully) installing a better and brighter tomorrow. We're keeping our fingers crossed.
As we looked back on 2014, and looked forward to what 2015 might bring, we thought of some of sports' most inimitable figures from the past year and wondered what they might be up to on the birth of our latest Baby New Year. Some of these people are athletes who are known for their hard-partying or gregarious reputations; others are players with something to gain or to lose in 2015; some just fall somewhere in-between. Either way, wherever they are tonight, we want to be there. From Rory McIlroy to Floyd Mayweather Jr. to Rob Gronkowski, these are the 15 athletes we'd like to ring in 2015 with.
Dirk Nowitzki
The good times are rolling again in Dallas. After a down season in 2013-14, when the Mavericks appeared to be a slowly dying animal hobbling into the trash pit of the NBA's middle-ground, Dirk Nowitzki & Co. have rejuvenated their offense, brought Rajon Rondo into the fold, and currently boast a 22-10 record. There are 10 teams fighting for playoff position in the West right now, with the Mavericks sitting solidly in the middle of the pack, a positive development from last year's struggle to gain the no. 8 seed in the playoffs. Even better, Nowitzki is averaging almost 19 PPG for the Mavs, and recently passed Elvin Hayes as the NBA's 8th all-time leading scorer. You know what that means...Dirk is ready to party!
And let's not see the photo that can never be unseen forget about Cubes!
If you can't party in Dallas this year, at least strive to do these men proud, wherever you may be.
Johnny Manziel
The best thing about a Johnny Manziel party is that it's sure to be a chill, low-key type of—
Ah, well, c'mon, now. We can't hold one night against the guy, can—
Hey, that doesn't prove a thing. He could've been rolling—or unrolling!—that dollar bill for a friend or, or—
Alright, who are we trying to kid? Johnny Manziel is basically a character out of a Frat Pack movie; he's a walking urban legend. Sure, his debut season with the Browns has been a bust, but who are we to pass up a night with Mr. Money Fingers?
Josh Gordon
The Tweedledum of the Cleveland Browns' mini party posse, Josh Gordon couldn't be more ready to put an end to 2014. After missing the first 10 games of the 2014-15 NFL season, Gordon was recently suspended for Cleveland's final game of the year after missing a team walk-through last Saturday. Why? Because he was out at Johnny Manziel's house the night before, doing the exact opposite of what you should probably be doing after you've served multiple drug-related suspensions in the NFL.
As a result, Gordon will lose an entire season served toward his contract, which basically means that he'll have to stay with the Browns longer than he originally planned, unless he's traded. Here's to another year in beautiful Cleveland, Josh!
Mario Balotelli
Mario Balotelli hasn't enjoyed a perfect debut with his new club Liverpool, but that doesn't make the all-world striker any less of a presence to be around while popping bottles for the new year. Balotelli is a legend on and off-the-pitch; he's a teacher; he's a magician. Get out your Sunday best and prepare yourself to welcome 2015 with Italia's finest.
Rory McIlroy
If you went through a break-up in 2014, then you should be angling for a way to get in Rory McIlroy's entourage tonight. By nabbing two major victories and a handful of other Tour wins in 2014, McIlroy gave hope for every human being out there who wants to one-up their former significant other. Why else would we have named a golfer our top athlete of the year? When it comes time to cue up "IDFWU", no one will be able to yell out the chorus with more deserved self-righteousness than McIlroy. Drink up, Rory, you've earned it.
Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Okay, let's think: what reasons could we have to party with Floyd Mayweather Jr. on New Year's Eve? Could it be the multi-million dollar vehicles that he regularly rolls around in? Or maybe it's the unseemly amounts of cash that he reportedly likes to blow on a daily basis? Perhaps it's his financial creativity, or his celebrity connections.
Whatever the case, even if you're unable to party with Pretty Boy Floyd tonight (BREAKING: the forecast is not looking favorable), fret not, you'll probably be able to catch the full recap on his Instagram tomorrow.
Rob Gronkowski
The man, the myth, the legend: the Gronk. There's no way you could go wrong with a party featuring Rob Gronkowski. The guy is a notorious party-animal who looks like the love-child of Ivan Drago and an American flag, which is to say that he will bring very, almost obscenely, attractive women to the party; he will party hard; and it will be a good party.
Let's party, Gronk.
Marshawn Lynch
Marshawn Lynch has quietly owned 2014, making headlines for holding his tongue, as well as his dick, during the 2014-15 NFL season. We'd like to believe that Lynch is a bit more outgoing off-the-field than one might glean from of his press conferences; regardless, we're never going to pass up an opportunity to get lit with a man who inspired millions this year by, once again, putting the muthafuckin' team on his back.
Cristiano Ronaldo
As far as we can tell, there aren't really any downsides to turning up with Cristiano Ronaldo. The man is one of the world's richest athletes, and is conventionally considered to be really, really, really ridiculously good-looking, meaning that he will attract other really, really, really ridiculously good-looking people to his party.
He is also really, really, really ridiculously good at soccer.
And is really, really, really, ridiculously drunk in this photo.
Conclusion: You're going to have a really, really, really, ridiculously good New Year's Eve if you spend it with Cristiano Ronaldo.
Jon Jones
With a major bout coming up against Daniel Cormier on January 3, Jon "The Baddest Motherfucker on Earth" Jones probably won't be partying too hard on New Year's Eve. However, we'd still leap at the chance to ring in 2015 with the man who is widely regarded as one of the toughest fighters on the planet. Boasting a 20-1 MMA record, Jones will be putting everything on the line at UFC 182 when he goes up against Cormier, a 15-0 fighter believed to be just as good as Jones. We're going to use New Year's Eve to put ourselves in Bones' corner.
Blake Griffin
The NBA's resident funnyman, Clippers forward Blake Griffin earns the nod here over colleagues like Pistons point guard Brandon Jennings...
...or Milwaukee Bucks forward Larry Sanders...
...simply by default.
Steph Curry
With the Golden State Warriors currently holding one of the best records in the NBA, Splash Bro No. 1 is guaranteed to be having a good time tonight; any party involving Steph Curry will likely feature the All-Star point guard blasting "0 to 100 / The Catch Up" some obscene number of times just for the sake of being able to scream his own name into the last vestiges of 2014. Given that Curry has produced enough memorable plays to justify his own highlight reel just 30 games into the season, we're not going to contest his right to do so.
Patrick Kane
Pros to partying with Patrick Kane: the man is an NHL All-Star, a Conn Smythe trophy winner, and a Stanley Cup champion; his drinking exploits are so well-known that he has inspired multiple Twitter accounts and even a Tumblr devoted to his drunken debauchery; he once appeared on the cover of an EA Sports' NHL video game; every single human being in the city of Chicago would be begging to sit at the table with you.
Cons to partying with Patrick Kane: your bragging rights for the evening are severely diminished by the fact that no one gives a shit about the NHL anymore; he might punch you.
J.J. Watt
J.J. Watt's drinking history isn't particularly well-documented, save a few stray photos of him getting loose at the club, but we don't want to party with Watt because of anything he might do. Rather, we're interested in partying with him because of what we might do. Basically, with Watt on your side, the amount of leeway you have to do something incredibly stupid and irresponsible increases by, roughly, a factor of 1000. Because, honestly, no matter what you do, who is going to fuck with you when you're rolling with J.J. Watt?
Tonight's the night to do everything dumb and reckless in the club that you've ever wanted to do. Having J.J. Watt on your party team is like being given a chance to re-create The Purge.
Kyle Orton
There's a slight ray of light to the news about Kyle Orton's sudden march into the sea of retirement: the real Orton is back, everyone! Without a career to worry about, our favorite Orton is finally uncaged. Who else wants to spend their New Year's Eve buying Jack and Cokes at the bar like a college sophomore breaking in his first fake ID?
2015 is going to be amazing, you guys.
