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All actors want to be musicians—it's a known fact. That's why you see Bruce Willis carrying a harmonica around with him everywhere (because that's rock and roll!), and why 30 Seconds To Mars is a thing we have to deal with. But now that a new generation is ruling Hollywood, the rule is: All actors want to rap.
There's little girls like Selena Gomez trying to flex like Nicki Minaj, Idris Elba trying to get in touch with his Wire roots, and most recently, Chris Pratt proving he's a bro for all seasons by laying down Eminem's verse from "Forgot About Dre."
In an era where no one's more loved than Drake and more respected than Kanye West, it's not hard to understand the magnetic thespian attraction to hip hop (somewhere in America, Helen Mirren's still twerking). But as you'll see, pretty much everyone should stick to their day jobs.
Andrew Gruttadaro is the Complex Pop Culture news editor. He tweets here, and no, he cannot freestyle.
Tyra Banks
Where: The Steve Harvey Show
When: 2013
Why: Tyra had words for Drake
"You're going to freestyle rap?" Steve Harvey asks Banks with concern. He had a right to be nervous—what she unleashes here is just awful. Her opening line: "Drake rhymes with snake." Tyra, never point out your rhymes—act like you've been there before. The sad thing is, she has.
Grade: F, and may God have mercy on her soul
Alison Brie
Where: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
When: 2013
Why: Because what can't she do!?
Maybe it's because the Community star has The Roots as her backing track, but Alison Brie is pretty good, right? Pete Campbell would be so angry. And Brie's most important skill here is she knows when to get out. Short enough to not be awful, that's what celeb freestyles should be aiming for.
Grade: B+
Idris Elba
Where: COCO, Foolish, and Mr. Chase in the Morning (WJLB Detroit)
When: 2010
Why: Because apparently DJ Dris is a real thing?
This is like the "Control" of actors rapping. Unfortunately in this case, Idris Elba (who apparently also goes by "DJ Dris" or "Big Dris") is Big Sean getting crushed in his own spotlight, and all the radio hosts are Kendrick Lamar.
Grade: D+, mostly because the expectations were higher
Selena Gomez
Where: Much Music
When: 2011
Why: The real question is, "Why not?"
Gomez, who is a musician too, so maybe that helps, performs pretty admirably here. Though she's at a slight advantage because she's just rapping Nicki Minaj's most universally known verse instead of coming up with her own stuff. I'd like to think that this is the video that convinced Nicki to go back to her core hip hop roots.
Grade: B
Anne Hathaway
Where: Conan
When: 2011
Why: BECAUSE ANNE HATHAWAY NEEDS YOU TO LOOK AT HER
Nope. Just nope. How dare you say this was in the style of Lil Wayne?
Grade: F
Anna Kendrick
Where: Saturday Night Live
When: 2014
Why: Because "Dongs All Over the World" needed a verse
Anna Kendrick revealed that she had a little hip hop in her (like the smallest, whitest amount, but still) when she dropped Dr. Dre's verse from "No Diggity" in Pitch Perfect, and her follow-up bars for the all-woman SNL song "Dongs All Over the World" didn't disappoint. It's short, it's sweet, and it has the line, "Destroy the dongs." Then again, Kendrick did have the luxury of rehearsals and cuts, so she gets knocked down a few notches.
Grade: B
Gwyneth Paltrow
Where: The Graham Norton Show
When: 2011
Why: God only knows
While this feels like the living definition of the gentrification of rap—Gwyneth Paltrow reciting Ice Cube's verse from "Straight Outta Compton" while Geoffrey Rush and comedian Jason Byrne make siren noises—it's actually sort of impressive that Paltrow has some hip hop knowledge. I'm conflicted, but at least it's not Goop.
Grade: C+
Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Lindsay Lohan
Where: A hotel room?
When: Sometime before 2004?
Why: Because Mean Girls, end of story
Everyone knows Kevin G's talent show rap in Mean Girls—here's where it originated. Poehler drops the bars while Fey and Lohan play hypemen in the background. Mad props for writing the best known movie verse of all-time, ladies, but points deducted for needing to look at the script while busting rhymes.
Grade: B-
Natalie Portman
Where: Saturday Night Live
When: 2006
Why: The power of the Lonely Island
No shade, but this is clearly a ghost-writing situation here. "I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker" is a line Andy Samberg high-fived himself for thinking of. That being said, Portman holds her own in this "actress gone bad" SNL Digital Short. Also, she's really beautiful, so it's hilarious to watch her say things like, "Getting head while I'm swervin'" and "I'll kill your dog for fun" and then laugh maniacally.
Grade: B+
Chris Pratt
Where: The Whoolyhood Shuffle
When: 2014
Why: Because Chris Pratt is out for world domination
Now this is impressive. Not only is Pratt's story for why he knows "Forgot About Dre" amazing—"Me and my friend lived in a van in Maui and we listened to that and smoked weed every day"—but his execution is flawless. He even puts on Eminem's high-pitched steez and you can tell that the DJs are like, "How the hell is this white boy still going?" Actors, if you're gonna do it (and we know from experience that you are), do it like Chris Pratt.
Grade: A
Michelle Trachtenberg
Where: The London Tunnel
When: 2010
Why: Apparently this is what white female stars do
Nicki Minaj, the rapper celebrities love to imitate. Michelle Trachtenberg's, a.k.a. Harriet the Speezy's sing-along to Nicki's verse on "Shaking It 4 Daddy" is about on the same level as Selena Gomez's aforementioned "Super Bass," but it feels a whole lot less rehearsed. Like, I think Trachtenberg might actually like rap, whereas Gomez was definitely just trying to show people she liked rap one time.
Grade: B+
Michael K. Williams
Where: Brooklyn Bowl
When: 2013
Why: Because Michael K. Williams does whatever the fuck he wants
Do you really think I'm gonna say something about Omar? Or about Ol' Dirty Bastard? Ha.
Grade: A+++
