Novelty Socks Are Trash

Leave your novelty socks in the drawer.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Let's talk about socks for a minute. They're arguably the least important part of any fit. They're not the most exciting thing to shop for. They're also the de facto gift of choice for relatives who don't know what to gift you, but refuse to go with a gift card. Not to sound ungrateful, but socks have been disappointing dudes for decades, from birthdays to Christmas morning to the aggravation of needing to make a trip to the store to replenish your stock when one goes missing.

The one thing that can make all of this worse? Novelty socks. So, as fashion tome Vogue co-signs the novelty sock for women this week—which, by their own admission, is deemed "the ugly sweater of the feet"—we're wondering if anyone would call the unconventional knitwear a "necessity" for dudes.

A few years ago, there was a deluge of advice on how to "spice up" an outfit with an off-color sock. Back in 2014, the chief industry analyst at retail analytics firm NPD, George Cohen, claimed that "socks have become yet another outlet for expressing the extra splash of pattern and color [men] seek." That's all well and good, but it's safe to say that when former President George H.W. Bush is actively co-signing the trend, it's far from exciting, subversive, or out-of-the-box anymore. 

Now, don't get it twisted, this isn't to say that wearing a dash of color or subtle pattern on your feet is a bad thing. We can see that athletic-inspired gear has crossed from the gym to the office, and we're not implying that your socks need to stop at solid white or a shade of gray. Brands like Stance, Happy Socks, N/A and Anonymous Ism are just a few of the labels making the case that this footwear accessory can be fun without going over the line. But, there's a significant difference between a textured sock in an out-of-left-field colorway, and something that looks like a middle schooler's favorite thrift store graphic T-shirt. Besides, if you're someone who cares about letting your sneakers shine, then outlandish socks are more likely to present a distraction than work as a compliment.

If you want a sock that's more daring than your department store's Gold Toe offerings, consider the classics. Argyles, stripes, dots, and chunky wool renditions are all age-old ways to incorporate some pattern and texture. Regardless of what you wear, keep in mind that your socks should utilize the same colors found in the rest of your 'fit. When things are literally black and white, that's the best time to use your socks to splash some color—but it's probably best to steer clear of any colors and patterns that appear like they might also be at home on a Lisa Frank notebook

Like the ironic T-shirt collection you accrued over your first few semesters away at school, let's all agree to leave the novelty in the (sock) drawer.

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