Now that WrestleMania season is finally over, the dog days of WWE have arrived. The period between the Showcase of the Immortals and Money in the Bank in June is always filled with retreaded storylines and meaningless plot shifts. That’s just how it is when you have to run content for an entire calendar year every year. Unfortunately for us, this year we won’t have The Shield to save us with two of the better 6-man tags you’ll ever see, so...get ready for a lot of Big Show and Kane! What a treat.
For tonight’s Raw, the best anyone can hope for is that WWE somehow captures the momentum from the first 2 hours of last week’s Raw...you know, before it careened off a cliff with the aforementioned inclusion of Big Show and Kane in the main event. What can you expect from the first Raw of what will seem like endless Raws from now until the end of time? Let’s get to it:
While this may not happen tonight, this is the most exciting rumor in WWE from an in-ring perspective right now: John Cena’s continued open challenges for the U.S. title (as confirmed by Mr. BRRRAPADOO himself on SmackDown) could lead to the debut of Samoa Joe, the former Ring of Honor and...*mind willfully forgets that Joe was part of TNA.* It seems like it may be too much of a fantasy book to be true, but if they really want to make a splash with Joe, this is one way to do it. Just make sure you do it in a smarky town and for the love of God have the announce team take him seriously.
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Speaking of Cena, he will be on the WWE Network after Raw in a podcast interview with Chris Jericho. This was the slot that Stone Cold Steve Austin’s podcast occupied but it seems that 1999’s best feud is back for real: Apparently, Vince McMahon was angry with some of the questions Austin asked Triple H in their interview back in February, and that led to them going to Jericho, who was been, shall we say, VERY pro-WWE in light of recent fan complaints. You can probably expect a safe, boring interview with the Cenation leader, as neither are the type to rock the boat.
In other “Vince McMahon is angry at people” news, the Boss (not Sasha Banks) is apparently pissed at Byron Saxton’s crapping of the bed on Raw last week after Brock Lesnar destroyed the announcing team, to the delight of millions. Apparently, Vince thought throwing Saxton out by himself to save Raw was a good idea. Not to worry, however, as WWE confirmed that Michael Cole, Booker T, and JBL will all be back to shill and bury every performer in the ring this week. Hooray?
You can put those Undertaker/Sting dreams to rest, at least for now. Despite word leaking out that Sting would be on hand to face off against Undertaker last week, it appears that WWE will not be going forward with the most-wanted dream match they could put on right now. Taker was nowhere to be found (although he is on the video hyping up WrestleMania 32 already), while Sting was used to say about 15 words and hit Bo Dallas, of all people, with a Scorpion Deathdrop. Plans subject to change, as always, but it’s possible that the nostalgia circlejerk from WrestleMania 31 was Sting’s only appearance in a WWE ring. At least he put over a hot new performer; I hear that Triple H is going to be HUGE.
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One person you should NOT expect ever again is AJ Lee. News broke via WWE’s official Twitter over the weekend that AJ has retired effective immediately from the ring. Rumors are, of course, pointing to the company’s strained relationship with her husband, Walking Dead enthusiast Phil Brooks a.k.a. future UFC mid-carder CM Punk. While not exactly unexpected news, it’s still a blow to a Divas division that might maybe, possibly, potentially be picking up steam. While the diminutive Diva seemed to care more for getting the fuck out of the ring in recent months, it’s safe to say she was the main catalyst for the restructuring of the women’s division in WWE. Remember when she stood tall to end a PPV over CM Punk and Daniel Bryan? Good times.
