You waited seven months and now your patience is in the process of paying off. The NFL is back. And, like all openers, hope springs eternal as every team right now thinks they have a title shot (at least those teams that didn't watch the Seahawks crush the Packers on Thursday). This weekend is a sacred one that either served as an appetizer for bigger things to come, or a dose of reality that this isn't your year (again). Whether you're hopping on the bandwagon or jumping off a (hopefully) metaphoric bridge, we got you covered with a round-up of this week's biggest NFL stories both on, and off the field. With that we take a look at What the Fuck Happened in the NFL This Week.
Colts owner Jim Irsay was suspended for six games (and fined six figures).
Michael Sam is signed to the Dallas Cowboys practice squad.
Wes Welker gets suspended for taking a banned substance.
Josh Gordon got a job as a car salesman.
Johnny Manziel is trying to trademark the name "Johnny Cleveland."
The Bengals re-signed a former player so he could pay for his daughter's cancer treatments.
Antonio Brown jump kicked a punter.
Worst play of the week: Maurice Jones Drew.
Tony Romo throws three interceptions in the first half against San Francisco.
A Cleveland Browns fan loses it in a video rant.
JaDeveon Clowney will undergo knee surgery for a torn meniscus.
The Most Meme'd NFL Player of the Week: Dez Bryant.
Date: September 7
Cliff notes: Tony Romo has a rough day. Tony Romo makes a bad pass. Dez Bryant gets absolutely popped going up for that pass. The internet seizes upon this.
What comes both above and below is a tie of the top submissions from people who watch their NFL Sundays with Photoshop open. Because of their tireless work, we pay homage to their efforts, before they're lost in a sea of a billion others.