The Worst Modern Interpretations of Classic Cars

Image via Complex Original

Modeled after: Pre-WWII V8 saloons

This was intended to be a gangster-esque throwback to the glorious cars of the '30s, but the result was a bulbous and awkward hatchback that is inhabited almost entirely by chain smoking women in shady apartments and awkward couples who always buy matching cars. It's not cool, and the only excuse is if you inherited it from a deceased family member.

Modeled after: 1950's Ford Thunderbird

The only person I've ever known who drove the new T-Bird was an aging flamenco teacher with bleached blonde hair, a fake tan, and enough eye-shadow to make an elephant look tarted up. It took the smooth and sleek shapes of the '50s and turned them into something that just looked like a lightly used bar of soap. That pale yellow color that so many of them were made in certainly didn't help with not looking like soap either.

[Editor's note: I specifically remember being in a Ford dealership with my dad about 10 years ago when he was buying a first-generation Explorer Sport Trac (that thing rides remarkably smoothly). A salesman came up to me, pointed at the Thunderbird and said, "start saving your pennies and maybe one day you'll be able to buy one of those!" My 14-year-old response: If I had that much money, I would not be buying a T-Bird." That probably didn't help my dad get a better deal on his truck. - TM]

Modeled after: Vintage '30s cars

This was designed at about the same time that bath salts were sweeping the nation. We don't think this was a coincidence. What a way to spend nearly $1,000,000, Will.i.am. 

Modeled after: 1940's-50's woodie wagons

The Spark is, in no way, a Buick Roadmaster, which is the only way this would have been okay. Fake wood is far, far worse than no wood, as many cars from the '90s proved. The spark looks fine until this happens.

Modeled after: 1940's-50's woodie wagons

Okay, we thought the Spark Woody was bad, but this is far worse. The Spark can at least hide behind GM's heritage. The fact that it's a Chevy means that the laughter was at least minimized when it was first envisioned. The smart fortwo is German. The fortwo is the jobless stoner cousin of Mercedes-Benz. This makes absolutely no sense at all.

Modeled after: 1940's and '50s hot rods

This was one of Chrysler's many terrible cars that were almost brilliant. The Chip Foose-designed body was cool, but the bumper and wheezing minivan engine made the whole thing into a joke. If it had actually been fast and made the awesome V8 roar that one expects of a car that looks like this, it would have been legendary. Instead, it's the ultimate poseur's machine. Lame.

The New Beetle, which is no longer new, as the new Beetle is just called "Beetle," was a sad attempt to cash in on the hottest selling car ever. Instead of being a car designed for the sole purpose of providing a good, affordable car that a single person can maintain with only simple tools, it was nothing more than a half-baked play on the '60s flower-power groove that Charles Manson definitively ended. It was purchased almost entirely by people who never considered anything other than "cuteness" as a criteria. That said, if you were looking for hot moms or sorority girls, you knew where to look. 

Modeled after: Chevrolet El Camino

Lots of people wanted a retro El Camino that would effectively just be a rebodied Holden. Instead of the roaring ute that would have been trashy, but cool, we got this, which was just trashy. We're still trying to forget, and a lot of people are making good progress.

Modeled after: Pre-WWII V8 saloons

The designer of the PT Cruiser left Chrysler a little while after creating that thing, and ended up at GM where he quickly decided to create the exact same car. There is one noteworthy difference, however: the Chevy HHR is even uglier than the PT Cruiser. 

Modeled after: 1960's Alfa Romeo Giulia

This was supposed to be a modern take on a '60s Alfa Romeo Giulia, but it was built on a Nissan 4x4 platform and ended up looking like a Lamborghini LM002 with a severe growth hormone deficiency. It's like if somebody decided to make a Mila Kunis out of Rick Ross.