Jessica Alba: The Ultimate Girl Next Door

Still bae.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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As a film fan, I've had an intriguing love-hate relationship with Jessica Alba's work. Alba as Susan Storm in those awful Fantastic Four films can go somewhere, but I can't front like I wasn't crushing on her over 1999's Idle Hands. It wasn't good at all—it looks like it only earned $4.2 million on a $25 million budget—but Jessica Alba as the object of Devon Sawa's affection? A young junior year in high school me was ALL OVER this.

Hell, I even copped the DVD when it dropped, and the film was STILL five trash can emoji.

If you're not up on Idle Hands, you either a) need to get your weight up on stoner horror comedies or b) you aren't up on Devon Sawa's filmography. Long story short, Sawa plays Anton, a stoner who finds his parents dead af on Halloween. He comes to find out, his right hand is possessed, ultimately framing him for their murder (and the murder of his friends, played by Seth Green and neph who played Foggy in Daredevil). While he's trying to figure out what's going on with his hand (which includes Vivica A. Fox trying to voodoo the evil spirits out of existence), Anton has to deal with Molly (Alba), the gorgeous girl who lives next door.

Surprising to no one, Anton crushes on Molly crazy, and has been for years. After finding and returning one of her books, she ends up inviting him into her house. Anton starts freaking out, with his possessed hand actually helping him mack a little (although I wouldn't condone grabbing a girl's ass like that without prior consent). Molly's none the wiser, even calling Anton "kinky" when he had to literally tie his hand to the bed post. That's the key: Molly has a little freak in her, but she's so sweet that she wouldn't even think that this guy with the grabby hands who is too high and kind of creepy could be the actual killer.

For a time, Jessica Alba was everyone's girl next door. Not even in a pervy way; there's something about her smile that's genuinely kind and inviting. It's sad that while she's had a run (and is still active in Hollywood), she never blew up like some of her peers (although Honey can be watched any day of the week). Maybe that's part of her charm–Alba's like the girl who you grew up crushing on as a youth that's still living in the same town, maybe even in the same house, settling into life as a hot, accomplished mom. The ultimate girl next door.

 

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