10 "SNL" Characters Who Deserve Their Own Movie

Image via Complex Original

Perhaps the magic of The Boston Teens doesn’t stem from their eccentric Boston accents, or that they let their friend film every aspect of their lives (which is wicked awesome, so why nawt). It’s that everyone can relate to the gross public displays of affection of young love. A Denise “Zazu” McDonough (Dratch) and Pat “Sully” Sullivan (Fallon) movie would be a new classic. Their torrid love affair and ability to pound beers, mixed with a possible plot of the teens encouraging the Boston Red Sox to the World Series would be a hit for key demographics—teens and sports fans.

The Spartans haven’t been cheering on TV since 1999, but the fact that you can still find a couple dressed like them at Halloween parties across the nation proves that their staying power is legendary. Arianna (Oteri) and Craig’s (Ferrell) eternal optimism in the face of adversity is something we should all admire. They didn’t even make the school’s real squad, so they made their own uniforms and began cheering at events that the real squad wouldn’t, like chess matches and Hickory Farms. Who wouldn’t pay the price of admission to see the perfect cheer at the end of a three-hour epic journey?

If Justin Timberlake would agree to it, a movie centered on Andy and Raif would trump Avatar in box office records. Obviously it’d cash in on Timberlake’s appeal, but it’d also cash in on America’s obsession with bromances. Andy (Samberg) and Raif (Timberlake) are so close that they’ll even sing about making love to each other’s mothers—and it’s cool, because they know that each will respect and cherish the other’s mom.

Here’s our official pitch to Samberg and Timberlake: Two best friends embark on an epic journey to R&B ballad superstardom, however, fame is a fickle mistress. Will it change who they are?

Take all of your films about teachers entering inner-city classrooms to help kids learn poetry through rapping. They’re useless to us unless it stars the husband-wife team Marty and Bobbi Culp. Imagine watching the weird art teachers trying to teach their students about gang violence and the dangers of drug use by offering slaughtered renditions of “Limp Bisquick” and other dated top 40 hits.

If Arnold Schwarzenegger can have a long career of classic movies, then why wouldn’t “his cousins,” Hans and Franz? Hans and Franz’s original spotlight wasn’t even stolen from them by their cousin. A movie was in the works, and even going to be a musical, but due to other SNL films not performing well at the box office, the idea was scrapped. Still, Hans and Franz pumping up girlie men set to music is eagerly awaited.

Dark family comedies with an ensemble cast always do well—movies like This is Where I Leave You and Little Miss Sunshine are well respected. Imagine the Sisters from the Finger Lakes, along with Junice, getting their own film. The film will explore family dynamics, cover the excitement of PBS great Lawrence Welk plucking the sisters from obscurity, focus on bitter jealousy when one gets more of the spotlight, and fans will finally understand why Junice has a thirst for power. It’s The Jacksons: An American Dream for a new generation.

Sit down, and enjoy a glass of cham-pag-na. Honestly, Christopher Walken is such a gem of the entertainment industry that most people wouldn’t mind watching him break the fourth-wall and awkwardly try to seduce the audience for two hours. Walken even said in 2002 that he’d like to do a movie about the character but it’d be impossible because The Continental never leaves his home. Maybe the movie could focus on a beautiful therapist helping him with his agoraphobia?

The important thing for this movie is to make sure that The Continental never learns from his mistakes, and that he remains ever the same skeezy guy trying to be suave.

Step aside, Magic Mike, there’s only room for one exotic male dancer. Just because you can’t have the Mango doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a movie about the Mango. You might be jealous of his ability to make everyone fall in love with him, but to Mango, it is a curse. Can you know the mighty ocean? Can you lasso a star from the sky? Can you say to a rainbow, “Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second?” No! Such is Mango.

Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education. Fellow had his own talk show, “Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet,” but it’d be much more entertaining to finally watch him enter a world where he had to use the knowledge that he learned on the show in real-life danger.

Stefon is a much beloved SNL “Weekend Update” correspondent, but fans wonder, what does he do on his free time? Does his nightlife of hitting New York City’s hottest clubs ever wear him down? Does he ever just want to spend the evenings with his TV husband Seth Meyers? Hader says that he’ll never make a movie about his character, but when Larry King suggested a sitcom, he said “That could work.” Fingers are crossed. We’ll take what we can get.