Power Rankings: The 10 Best Mario Kart Courses of All Time

Image via Complex Original

Game: Mario Kart 7 (3DS)

We know there's going to be trust issues going forward as we told you 10 and now we're bringing you 11. We agree, that was a dirty fucking trick. Sorry for that, but Rosalina's World deserves a shout-out for bringing us the only time in our lives where we enjoyed driving on ice. Tight winding turns, canyons with no rails for safety This one put some hair on your nuts. When you get a full race going position is absolutely key, even more so than most courses. Box out the inside, or bump your opponent into the bottomless abyss. We were hoping this would be a retro fit for Mario Kart 8 so we could play it on our TVs, but Nintendo really let us down when they unveiled the list and it was absent. Damn. This is what disappointment feels like? Now we know how our parents feel.

Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)

I'm going to preface this by saying: I could've probably put 10 of the 16 GameCube tracks in this list and ignored the other half dozen games in the series. Double Dash!! is my favorite multiplayer game of all-time and probably in my "Top Five Games" period. That being said, Dino Dino Jungle is rarely held up in the esteem of the games top courses. With that I respectfully disagree. If you prefer your races prehistoric, your turns winding, a make-or-break bridge with no rails to protect you from a watery fate, and end of race geysers that can flip an outcome at the finish, then this course has got to be your go-to.

Game: Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

When you look to the fact that Nintendo has about eight series' from Animal Crossing to Zelda keeping them from extinction, you accept their (routine) because the games are great, but you essentially know what you're in for. That's true in Mario Kart as well. You got your snow level, beaches, castles, volcanoes, uh...fifth thing. With that ingrained cynicism it was nice to have a "fresh" idea worm its way into our gaming apple. Maple Treeway combined a really catchy tune with everything we love about fall; including our favorite autumn pastime: driving through leaf piles after a neighbor busted his ass raking all day.

Game: Mario Kart DS (DS)

You may notice (or will notice) an inherent bias on this list against handheld titles. You got us. It's definitely intentional. We just always preferred our karting chaos divided on a screen as opposed to linked-up/wifi/whatever. So for us to make an exception for Tick Tock Clock tells you a lot about the high regard we hold it in. Now, we concede the video quality sucks (it is a handheld after all) but it won't for long, as you'll be happy to know that this track is getting an HD update in MK8. 

Game: Mario Kart 64 (N64)

If the Bowser's Castle from Double Dash!! was your preference, then we accept your lifestyle choice. That course was a worthy successor. But for the sake of this list we chose it's 64-bit counterpart, which wasn't nearly as easy as that god on wheels above makes it look. You had a variety of obstacles to avoid, a lengthy track to make up ground, and dark, brooding music punctuated by the laughter of Satan himself. 

Game: Mario Kart DS (DS)

Did you ever wonder what it was like to be stuck in a pinball machine? No. Of course not. What kind of fucking question is that?

Oh...

Well, Waluigi Pinball was still the cream of the DS crop. It was visually stunning, music was great (you'd be surprised by how much of a difference that makes), and like so many of the courses on this list it was unique. The bright lights and casino look gave us the feel of racing in a slot machine and like we said in the Maple Treeway slide, that out of the box thinking is what sets many of these apart.

Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)

Wario Colosseum shares a lot of visual similarities with Waluigi Pinball and has more twist and turns than a season of Sons of Anarchy. For the sake of showing you each course quickly we opted to go for Time Trials in our videos, but when this track is filled with three buddies (or seven computer foes) the manic meter really gets jacked up.

Rarely does a course deviate from the tried-and-true three lap MK formula, but Wario Colosseum is that rare exception to the rule. The turns, the jumps, the constant turboing, that's what a great advanced track is made of. This is a real Colosseum and makes us forget all about that decaying POS in Rome.

Game: Mario Kart 64 (N64)

In 2003, it was a "Colosseum." In 1997, it was a stadium. This offering from Wario was almost always the first course we delved into after firing up our 64's. It was a massive dirt bike arena and unlike nearly every other raceway, it had a crowd to give it context. Some fans may consider an enormous jump near the end of each lap as an Achilles heal. We have to disagree with that notion.

The reason we argue this position is because it was absolutely ripe for lightning attacks (for an excellent example of what we're talking about click here). That is why we loved it.. After all, it was the greatest way to screw a rival. MK is all about owning your competition, but sometimes a banana slip or red shell doesn't cut it. Those items only cause, like, a two second delay. If executed perfectly the lightning move forced your friend(s) to redo half the course and develop a growing resentment towards you that wouldn't manifest until years later. In essence it's the ultimate dick move, at least as far as a video game is concerned.

The rest of the track is also great, provided your opponents don't know how to do this.

Game: Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

For reasons we won't get into here, Mario Kart Wii was an extreme letdown. We'll call it the "Super Mario Bros. 2" of the franchise. Even the greats need mulligans. But Koopa Cape was a diamond in that rough. A race down a picturesque river that flips settings into a pipe. There's a reason everyone online picked it. Some courses are too cluttered, some are too barren. This one mixed both extremes perfectly, which allowed it to stand out as a bright spot in an otherwise dispiriting outing.

Like getting a king-sized Snickers in a trick-or-treat bag full of razor-bladed apples.

Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)

Like Jennifer Aniston, this course never gets old. The concept is simple. You go up the mountain. You go down the mountain. No need to overcomplicate things. But the tight ass turns combine with rolling boulders to give you the experience of Indiana Jones on a go-kart (which would've greatly improved that iconic scene). The ultimate wildcard of the track is the final straightaway which consists of a winding bridge that appears simple but is the final hurdle that has caused many-a-karter to blow certain victory. It's like having your own Lolo Jones moment in video game form.

Game: Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GC)

All this time we've been talking about innovation setting tracks apart only to unveil this seemingly dull raceway as our No. 1. The reality is that this most basic concept ever is also the greatest.

Detractors will point out that it's the most simplistic course in the history of the series. The developers probably put it together in 15 minutes. But those naysayers will just never understand how manically chaotic the quick seven lap frenzy is. Think about it, Mario Kart is addictive because of it's photo finishes and last second fuck-overs. So to have a course where opponents are never out of view, and by consequence always within striking distance, is an ideal situation. It's like the 100 meter dash if they allowed you to hit Usain Bolt with a blue shell. The fact that you're always a banana slip away from going first-to-last is the most endearing characteristic of the series.

When you think about it that way, this choice was a no-brainer.