The Tragic History of Superman Video Games

Celebrate the release of "The Man of Steel" by hoping he finally gets a decent video game.

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Complex Original

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With the recent release of Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan's The Man of Steelfanboys the world over might actually be getting a Superman film that doesn't seem like overly romanticized fluff.

A reboot about the Last Son of Krypton that's a character dissection which presents Kal-El as vulnerable and relatable is something any Superman film should strive to accomplish. Otherwise, who cares about an alien space god that can enslave the entire planet whenever it strikes his fancy.

An alien that is unbeatable and who has no real 'weaknesses' (yes, yes, magic and kryptonite).

Let's be honest with one another. Making a one dimensional character that is nearly a hundred years old seem interesting and relevant is a challenge. I don't think I've ever met anyone who's said,  

'Superman is my favorite comic book character.'

You know why? Because Superman is essentially God.

The real crime is that for being nearly a century old, Superman has never gotten a decent video games. Sure, there have been numerous releases starring or guest-starring Clark Kent, but not one of them are worth the code their written in. Out of the 20 some-odd games where The Man of Steel makes an appearance, these 8 perfectly illustrate the The Tragic History of Superman Video Games.

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Superman for the Atari 2600.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Dropping your phone in a bathroom stall and cracking the screen.

The first Superman game ever made, ladies and gentlemen. While comparing anything from the Atari 2600 to today's titles is a bit unfair, we had to include this title for the sheer 'WTF' factor. 

While 'playing' this Atari 2600 title you really got to experience what it must have been like to be a vaguely human shaped block floundering about like an epileptic on a Tilt-a-Whirl. There's a phone booth that you walk into to become another block with what looks like a cape, or a poorly rendered prehensile tail. The screen changes colors randomly and without warning, bridges suddenly materialize and disintegrate for no reason, and it's all somehow your fault.

The game is more confusing than tragic, but it's still an unplayable mess that made the list because of how low it set the bar for future Superman games.

Superman for the Nintendo Entertainment System.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Twisting your ankle while trying to catch the train.

Again, working with what they had at the time, the 1988 Nintendo Superman title was limited by the technology of the era. Judging from the start screen, you'd be safe in guessing that maybe this won't be so bad.

Of course, you'd be completely wrong. We don't remember ever seeing Superman and every man, woman, and child in Metropolis reduced to barely animated midgets, but that's just how the game starts. Your abilities: flight, strength, and freeze breath are all powered by energy harvested from defeating street thugs.

Which is weird because last we checked Superman is powered by Earth's yellow sun. Also, those thugs must have gotten those bullets jacketed in Kryptonite at a David Blane show, cause one or two in the chest and Supes is done for. Not the lamest duck of the lot, but you don't hear many people sighing fondly about this forgotten NES title.

Superman: The Man of Steel for the Commodore 64.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Being hungover during a cleaning at the dentist.

For a 16-bit title, Man of Steel actually managed to accomplish a few noteworthy successes. You actually get to fight Darkseid, longtime DC villain, and not just a horde of street thugs. They managed to get the rights to use the original Superman theme, which in 1989, seemed pretty revolutionary.

 

But that's where the accolades stop. The gameplay is a sloppy mish-mash of mini- games that alternated between punching asteroids out of the sky and navigating corridors of turrets and cannon fire. Since Man of Steel managed to incorporate Superman's invulnerability most of the missions in the title are timed, which let's be honest, make us want to stick our hands in a blender just to keep the afternoon exciting. 

Superman: The Arcade Game wasn't even close to the worst.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent:  Watching a sack of kittens sink into an icy river.

What stands out most about this quarter gobbling, 1989 arcade only affair was the addition of two non-canon elements. The first being Superman's ability to create yellow energy speheres to use as projectiles.

The second was the non-sanctioned appearance of a Superman clone wearing a grey and red palette swap. The only time this Shazaam/Russian Superman clone made an appearance was when a second player joined the game. The Japanese company Taito was responsible for this not-entirely logical entry into the list. Plot is practically non-existent as you punch and kick through waves of aliens that look like extras from an epidoe of the Power Rangers.

The Death and Return of Superman for the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Losing your life savings in a Nigerian 'prince' scam.

Ah, the 90s. You gave us so much. Our Tamogatchi and Beanie Baby collection is going to appreciate in value, we just know it. The 90s also gave us the 'death' of Superman.

That's right, after defending Metropolis from the alien Doomsday, Superman was written out of comic books and declared dead in 1992. Of course he wasn't really dead, but in the interim was replaced by four Supermen wannabes. There was a clone, an alien, a guy with a mullet, and the insufferably 90s specific Superboy.

The SNES and Genesis tie-in title was a side scrolling beat-em up that had you control the roster of hopeful replacements like a sleazy casting director warming up his couch. Redundant and generic are two of the nicer compliments we can pay to this walking reminder of the collapse of the comic book market in the 90s.

Superman for Nintendo's Gameboy.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: A Whole Foods collapsing on top of an orphanage.

Yeah, this is the home stretch of garbage. The fact that this title looks like it was cobbled together on TI graphing calculator didn't do it any favors.

Not even the fact that it was available on the most popular handheld gaming device in the world could unravel this fuck-tangle of a game. As Superman you were tasked with scouring Metropolis for...keys...yeah.

Wrap it up. We're done here.

Superman: Shadow of Apokolips for the PS2 and Nintendo Gamecube.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Mid-air collision between Madonna and The Red Hot Chili Peppers' tour planes.

This third person adventure title for the PS2 and the Gamecube was based off the animated series that was airing during the late 90s.

The biggest crime this game is guilty of committing is the sheer redundancy of EVERY. SINGLE. MISSION. Using another one of Superman's heavy hitter villains, Metallo, as the main protagonist players battle wave after wave of Metallo's poorly rendered 'inter-bots'. Which is fun for about 15 minutes. Then you get to level ten and you want to bash your head on the closest door-frame just to see how many times you can do it before passing out.

Gotta break up the monotony somehow and this game sure isn't going to help with that.

Superman 64 should barely be considered a game.

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Real World Tragedy Equivalent: Global avian bird flu pandemic. 

Yes. Yes. Yes. The Superman 64 game is quite possibly one of the worst games ever made. No hyperbole in that last statement. It really is a 'game' in the most literal sense of the word.

Controls that border on schizophrenic, a camera system that wanders aimlessly like a punch drunk pugilist, and a graphically unappealing train wreck of a game design that barely used the N64's capabilities. The game, by most who have played it, agree that the title was very clearly not finished, but was released all the same. It's by far the sorriest representation of Superman in any medium.

Throw a pair of red tights on that derp taco and take a big ol' bite.

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