A Modest Proposal: 25 New Rules of Tech Etiquette

Emily Post for the Internet age.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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There was a time when every proper lady and sophisticated gentlemen kept a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette by their bedside: there was a standard for manners in public and it mattered. In these wild and wooly days of the Internet, social media platforms are invented and discarded before we can even decide on the proper rules of decorum for the site. What is the right number of hashtags in a tweet? How many times can you post variations of the same meme before it becomes too annoying? What meals are appropriate Instagram material? These are the questions that we wish we had an answer for.

We haven't yet been offered a commission to draft an entire guide to Internet Etiquette (What up Random House?), but we have a few modest suggestions to get the conversation started. Grab those iPhones and Androids and open up your preferred note taking App (just make sure that "keyboard click" sound is turned off; that's just bad manners) because we are about to drop some decorum on your boorish ass. This is A Modest Proposal: 25 New Rules of Tech Etiquette.

25. Limit photos of your amazing vacation to one massive album upload.

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24. Use Google Drive for making edits to a group document, not an endless email chain.

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23. Post nothing remotely resembling a spoiler for 48 hours after an episode airs.

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22. Don't tweet at famous people like you know them.

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21. Don't send anymore group texts.

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20. Only poke ironically.

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19. If an email has more than a few recipients, BCC everyone.

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18. Do not check your smartphone at a restaurant until meals are finished.

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17. Do not retweet the same account constantly.

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16. Reply to emails within 48 hours.

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15. Do not put the entire content of your email in the subject line.

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14. Never run a parody account.

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13. Respectfully disagree with a post with one concise response.

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12. You may only beg for one crowdfunding donation per calendar year.

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11. Avoid humblebrags.

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10. If you are single, this should be reflected in your Facebook relationship status.

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9. Do not "Like" photos that are more than a month old.

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8. Do not RSVP "Yes" to an event if you don't intend on going.

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7. If you are asking a question that requires more than a "Yes" or "No" answer, call, don't text.

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6. If you like to share your opinion, start a blog.

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5. There is no need to share the article everyone else is sharing.

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4. Stop Facebook chatting after 2 a.m.

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3. Text someone only once. If they don't respond, do not text again.

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2. Do not tag embarassing photos of others without asking.

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1. No more duck face selfies. It's not cute.

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