Reddit is home to some of the most fascinating and well-vetted information on the internet. It is also, at times, home to threads that leave you baffled and wondering, how do people like this exist?
A thread of the latter sort started out with one simple question: “Police officers of Reddit, what's the dumbest call you've ever had to respond to?”
As you’d imagine, the officers had some excellent stories—tales involving ghosts, romance, violence via pizza, and much more. Here are some of the best replies.
Via dubmcswaggins:
Not me but a buddy of mine responded to a domestic call where a man had assaulted his girlfriend with a pizza. He pulls up, sees said suspect sitting outside avidly denying this claim then walks in the house to see a woman covered with pizza and small burns. Man was arrested. I believe this was even on the Jay Leno show or a similar late night show.
Via vpastabender:
Retired police officer here. I once got sent to a “domestic” (a fight between people living together). When I arrived, a man is standing on the sidewalk in front of a two story house, alone, calm, and sober. Alone, calm, and sober is as rare as a unicorn when domestics are involved. From the upstairs window, I can hear a very pissed off, drunk woman calling us both every name in the book. He tells me that they just broke up yesterday and he came over to get his TV when she went nuts. A half second after those words left his mouth, I hear “you want your (effen) TV (insult)?”. “Here’s your (effen) TV!!! Right then, a 1980s 27” CRT TV comes flying out of the window and smashes all over the sidewalk.
Via justflycasual:
Frequent caller, older woman. Nice enough, lost her marbles years ago.
Calls about a ghost in her attic (not the first time this week)
Deputy asks the woman for a mason jar, then heads upstairs to “battle” the ghost. He lights up a cigarette, takes a couple of puffs into the jar and runs out of the house shouting “IVE GOT HIM TRAPPED, STAY BACK!!”
We release the ghost to his own recognizance, and the lady hasn’t called since.
Via IanRG:
Domestic dispute call – We got there and the mother of a teenage boy, maybe fourteen, is loud and upset. Her problem was described as, “He’s interested in GIRLS!” Oddly enough, it happens around that age. Not a thing I could do about that one.
Via rockyburnett5:
A stolen TV remote.
Fyi, it wasn’t stolen just fell between the couch cushions
Via Igoe_yougo:
My uncle was a dispatcher in a suburb of Minneapolis/St.Paul, and would tell me stories whenever I saw him. My favorite goes like this:
Uncle: 911, what’s your emergency?
Caller: Yes, I’d like to report two suspicious vehicles passing something back and forth in Potawatomi park.
Uncle: Ok, we’ll send an officer out to assess.
Uncle: Dispatch to car 45, two suspicious vehicles in Potawatomi park, passing items back and forth.
Car 45: Uhhh…car 45 to dispatch, that’s me and Officer Somethingerother, passing Cheetos…
Uncle: 10-4
Via Chalie00:
Not a cop but I used to be in a band with one. The funniest story he would tell us is that he and his partner were sitting on their bikes [on] the corner (they were motorcycle cops) doing paperwork. All of a sudden a truck pulls up to them at the stoplight, rolls down the window and says “what?” They look at him, shrug and say “what?” He says back to the “what” louder this time and they smell alcohol on his breath. The guy totally got himself busted. Got hauled off for a DUI because he was being paranoid.
Via Igriefedyourmom:
I know the dumbest call I have been subject to: My roommate didn’t like me.
